“May you have a day as pleasant as you are.”Great to use on customers because they can’t complain this was an insult without admitting they were fucking rude. - sketchysketchist

Best I’ve got away with to a client was “have a day sir”. I said it fast so that if anyone heard, I could claim they missed the “good”- lildeidei

"I know a mind reader who would charge you half price." - carrotwax

For a critic, “You have me at a disadvantage. You seem to know a lot about me, and I don’t give a fuck about you.” - Brundleflyftw

For a critic, “You have me at a disadvantage. You seem to know a lot about me, and I don’t give a f**k about you.” - Brundleflyftw

Maybe you Aussies and Kiwis remember this but a while ago the New Zealand prime minister Robert Muldoon was asked about immigration from New Zealand to Australia. He responded that he was fine with it because it was raising the average IQ of both countries. - SmoochieMcGucci

“He has a face like a stuntman’s knee” - summer_coys

"face like a slapped arse." - RustyRovers

Had one Yemani describe a colleague in broken English "he's a waste of skin" - HarrargnNarg

I hope you go far. The sooner, the better - Czarcasm3

“The only thing you’re fucking, is stupid.” - Lemon - seeoharewhy13

“The only thing you’re f**king, is stupid.” - Lemon - seeoharewhy13

"I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you." Maybe not the best, but it's a really good one. - Forgot_My_Rape_Shoes

I would call you a tool, but that implies that you're useful for something. - ricksenburg

You've only got 2 brain cells and they are both fighting for 3rd place - vanity_is_a_mess

You're not the dumbest person in the world but you'd better hope they don't die - vanity_is_a_mess

While I was in the navy I overheard, " I'd tell you to go kill yourself but you would probably fuck that up too." - bigboog1

While I was in the navy I overheard, " I'd tell you to go kill yourself but you would probably f**k that up too." - bigboog1

Another time a guy wrote, on an evaluation, "losing this guy would be like gaining two people." - bigboog1

You probably get your insults from askreddit - Musaks

I don't know if they came up with it, but I believe Animaniacs had "The closest you'll have to a brainstorm is a slight drizzle," which I still think is quite good. - Mielkevejen

"You're so stupid that it may actually be illegal to fuck you." - Alice_Van_Osbourne

"You're so stupid that it may actually be illegal to f**k you." - Alice_Van_Osbourne

My cholesterol is higher than your standards. - bobbery5

A colleague of mine was told the following by a waitress when he had tried to hit on her. "You have more dick in your personality than you do in your pants" - Hollywood899

Should you have someone with you ? - noggerthefriendo

"I won't insult your intelligence by suggesting that you really believe what you just said." William F. Buckley - LordPimpernel

My stepfather (best dude ever!) was talking about one of my mothers obnoxious, know it all friends...and he said "That woman could give an aspirin a headache!" - Tiny_Entertainer3460

I’m jealous of the people that have never met you. - Crazyforlou